I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
