So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
