Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
