the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
