I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
