Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
