I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
