I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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