You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
