Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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