It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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