How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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