Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
