its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
