On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
only you would photoshop your dick
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
