It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
