The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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