This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
