I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
