babies were throwing up all over the place
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
