no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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