guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
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