Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
