So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He did a backflip because drugs
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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