We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
