so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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