Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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