the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My feet surprised me
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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