I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
