is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
