i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
