Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
