my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
