Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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