He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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