she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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