but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
