He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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