i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
