it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
