I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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