I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
