THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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