I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
