Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
