I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
