Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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