this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
