dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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