I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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