He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
