He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
