What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
