I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
