All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
