We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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