My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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