did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
