Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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