You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
