I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
