We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
