My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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