I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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