Yo dont text me then not text me
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
