overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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